Is online chatting cheating?

i wonder myself everyday. i met someone online, we are both married and we share our deepest fantasies. he thinks its ok as it balances out in life and improves our own married lifes and we live in 2 different ends of the world and would never meet anyway. we chat whenever we can but i am wondering if this is considered cheating?

 

Au contraire, it's quite couth!

 

hi there lynne

you are probably right...i do appreciate the advice, its just so difficult getting away from it especially when someone can make you feel like you are wanted and you are attractive! the funny thing about this is, I was the victim before...it happened a few years back and part of me just want some revenge although i know this should not be the way! i will stay around this forum, sounds like some interesting discussions here! thank you!

b

 

Hello Lynne, I came across this message because I have been feeling guilty. I just starting chatting online and am hooked. I am married but I am bisexual, so I have mostly chatted with other women. I read ur responce about the questions to ask, and my husband always joked that it was ok if I spent time with another woman but I am not sure if he is serious and most of the women are single or have approving husbands. And I only go online @ work or when my husband is working, so no time is being taken from him. So is all online chatting cheating??

 

If you're worried about it then I would think that there's something there you might want to look at. Of course, as a single person (transgendered MtoF), I'm not really one to be offering advice.

 

Lynne,

You bring up great points! And I think the "hooked" aspect has faded, it was just the rush of something new. So I decided to take a look at why I venturned into these rooms to began with. I was bored with my sex life. So I got a great book and even a little toy. Which I shared with my husband and we have both now put a concision effort into making it much better, and so far it's working .

However, I still have "chatted" for me it gets me thinking and then when I get home to my husband he benefits from it. There is no emotional connection, so wouldn't it be in the same realm as viewing pornography??

Thanks so much

:animal27:
Sweety

 

I will give my experience, and know that I am not judging.

There was a woman who was very interested in my husband.. and me to a different extent.We both know her, from a MMORPG we used to play. She would flirt, and I honestly did not think anything of it. My husband took that to mean it was not an issue, and when she started to flirt heavier with him, he flirted back. It got to be pretty... descriptive, and I was unlucky enough to pick up the wrong phone and see a text message.

Well, my husband had told her that she was coming on to strong a couple of days before I had found the last message, but for me, the damage had been done. It rocked me that someone I trusted... well, two someones actually, would hurt me this badly. It was not the actual text that hurt so much- it was that it was behind my back. I was lied to- and that is what broke my heart.

It made me wonder if there was more people or situations I did not know about, if I was not enough, if I did something wrong. There were alot of ifs. My imagination got a little ugly. And honestly, my husband never meant it to be that way- to him it was harmless flirting. He saw it completely differently. Part of that was the fact she told him I was into the whole thing and knew what was going on...but that is another point, one that she will get karma for. Part of it was him being his usual thick headed self. And part of it was my own insecurities, and my feeling of lack. While I would like to use my stilettos on her face, I do want to point out that her world was very bad, and she had formed a bit of an unhealthy connection to him, and to myself. It was completely a different view by all three of us- but without the communication, it resulted in a world of pain.

I happened to be one of the lucky ones. We talked things out. He took the time to understand where it came from- just because he did not think it was a big deal did not negate my feeling that it was. Because of that, I allowed myself to forgive and understand. There were so many other things going on in the chaos called our world at the time, we had let us slip.

I honestly do not have a problem if he wants to flirt, or when girls flirt with him. What had hurt me was the finding out- it was lies that hurt. And he being the completely attuned man that he is (just a touch of sarcasam there), I had to spell out why exactly it hurt. Sometimes things have to be spelled out for us- boundries have to be set by all parties involved.

I know there are some who are open to the idea of more than one partner. I am actually one of them- in the right circumstances, I feel I could have a polyamorus relationship. But if one person can hurt you, how much more so than multiple loved ones. Again, that openness and honesty plays huge.

Others are using the other person to get something they are missing- kinda like when people are low on iron they sometimes crave dirt. Not saying that it is dirty, just that when we are not getting what we need, we sometimes have strange cravings. When we dont have a connection that is needed, we look for it.

Ok, I am done blabbing now!